


Angus McDonald and His Gay Awakening

by spiderbryan



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Ango's first crush, F/M, Let! Carey! And! Killian! Adopt! Angus, M/M, fluff!, im very gay I'd like some validation, no one in taz is straight and you can fight me on this, the twins give absolutely valid advice, theyre my favorite lesbians an I love 'em so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-07 14:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderbryan/pseuds/spiderbryan
Summary: Angus is the World's Greatest Detective, as everyone knows. However, he is also a twelve-year-old in the middle of his first gay-ass crush. So, he does what he always will in the face of a mystery- he begins researching.





	1. Chapter 1

"Sir? I have a kind of weird question for you."  
Taako looked over at Angus, who had hopped up onto one of the kitchen stools apropos of nothing, holding one of his many notebooks.  
"Uh, sure? Long as it's not another one of those books you keep telling me to read."  
"Caleb Cleveland is quite well-written, sir! No, it's not about that."  
Angus stopped for a moment, swinging his legs.  
"When did you know you liked Mr. Kravitz?"  
Taako stopped whisking the batter he had been working on and squinted at the young half-elf, who looked much more unsure of himself than normal.  
"Agnes, you got something you need to tell me?"  
The tips of Angus's ears flattened against his head, he pulled his hat down, and Taako had all he needed to know.  
"Lup!" he called. "Pretty sure Angus has a crush!"  
There was a tearing sound, and a rift opened up right beside Taako. Lup tumbled out and slammed her hands on the table.  
"Ango McDango, you like someone?"  
Angus shrunk back, his ears heating up. It was definitely time for diversionary tactics.  
"Weren't you just upstairs, Ms. Lup? Why'd you open a rift up?"  
"Because it's cool, nerd lord. Now! I need the deets!"  
Taako also leaned across the table, clearly enjoying how embarrassed Angus was.  
"Yeah, what's his name? What's he look like? It is a he, right? Papa didn't raise no het?"  
Lup smacked Taako on the back of his head.  
"I mean, of course I support you, no matter what your sexuality is."  
Angus sighed and slumped onto the counter, head in his hands.  
"I don't know if it's a crush, that why I wanted to know how you knew you liked Mr. Kravitz!" Angus's voice was quite muffled, but managed to carry a world of exasperation. "I figured you might have, I don't know, words of wisdom?"  
"You should know me well enough by now that you know ch'boy doesn't really do pearls of wisdom and all that shit. I dunno, he was kinda dorky and weirdly apologetic for a Reaper, and not too hard on the eyes either."  
Lup shoved her brother good-naturely.   
"You shouldn't be giving him advice, you went on a business meeting-slash-date and then immediately jumped on those bones!"  
"Like you should! I watched you and Barry pine over each other for so many fucking years, I lost count!"  
"Well, I just wanna know ‘bout this person Ango's into!"  
"Might be into," Angus interjected. "I don't know yet."  
"Well then," Taako said as both he and Lup turned towards Angus, identical smiles splashed across their faces. "Deets, please."  
Angus sighed again as he sat up.  
"My lab partner, Artrin? I don't know, but my stomach kind of twists when I sit next to him? And he's really nice, and his laugh is pretty, and he gives super good hugs, and I caught myself staring at him a couple times and I get sad when he's not there, but people think all of those things about their friends as well, right?"  
Lup started laughing uproariously, and Taako put his head in his hands.  
"Congratulations, Ango!" Lup said between laughs. "You've got yourself a full-on crush!"  
"Oh, gods, that's really gay. Thanks for not being straight, Agnes."  
Taako held his hand out for a high five, which Angus hesitantly returned.  
"Now," Lup said, after calming down slightly, "What's this Artrin guy look like, anyway?"  
When Angus glared at her, Lup put her hands up in surrender.  
"Hey, this'll relate to the advice. Promise."  
Angus rolled his eyes and a Perception check.  
"Sorry, ma'am, but that's horseshit," he said cheerfully.  
"He's a detective, Lulu," Taako said with his head still down on the counter. "He's good at seeing through stuff, he knows we're both shit at advice."  
Lup groaned.   
"Stupid smart kid. You always foil my plans. Fine! I just want to hear you gush about him so that I can work on my embarrassing speech for your wedding."  
She immediately clapped a hand over her mouth and glared at Taako.  
"Did you fucking Zone of Truth me? How'd you even learn the spell?"  
"Merle. And of course I did, how else would I embarrass my dear baby sister?"  
"Asshole, I am only two minutes younger and you know it!"  
Angus took advantage of the twins’ bickering to slide down in his seat and start sneaking out of the room, but just as he got to the door, a Mage Hand grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back into the room. They were still arguing, but Taako had his wand out.   
“Sir, that was a complete waste of a spell slot.”  
“Just a cantrip, homes. And d’you want me to be like Jenkins or something? I use my spell slots very well, thank you.”  
Angus sat back down, resigned to his fate.  
“I'll tell you about him, but please don't make fun of me! And Ms. Lup, I doubt very much we’ll be getting married anytime soon. He's probably straight anyways.”  
Lup gasped in horror.  
“No!”  
Taako moved over to another counter and began measuring out chocolate chips.  
“Dude, you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.” He winked. “Taako original, on the house. And, uh, you don't have any evidence he's straight, right?”  
“Well, sir, not exactly, but-”  
“Ah! Nope! So, you're gonna bring him some fuckin’ awesome baked goods, and talk to him some more, and then! Show up in your glitteriest outfit, and-”  
“Sir, I don't have any glitter.”  
Lup walked over to her brother and plucked the double boiler out of his hands.  
“Don't listen to Koko, you don't need glitter,” she said, pouring the chocolate chips and butter in and sparking a fire with her wand. “The Taako From TV™ angle doesn't work unless you're Taako From TV™. Even if you look exactly like him. So, my advice is to be your fuckin’ self! And if you can get up the courage to ask him out, do so, and in the rare case that he rejects you, we'll be here to lift you back up, kay, Agnes?”  
“Hell yeah, m’dude,” Taako said, wiping away a fake tear. “Also, the macaroons are still on the secret shelf, but if you ask him out I'll give you a box.”  
Angus’s face brightened and he adjusted his hat to a more comfortable position.   
“Thank you, sir and ma’am! I want to gather more data, but I'll definitely keep your not-so secret shelf in mind, Mr. Taaco!”  
Taako’s face wrinkled in confusion.   
“Fuck, what? You know where the shelf is?”  
“Nope! Farewell!”  
And Angus flew out the door, fleeing the scene.  
Lup laughed and stirred the melting chocolate.   
“Can't believe I need to start planning a wedding. You ever met this kid?”  
Taako smiled.  
“Nah, but, uh, I'm thinking that things’ll turn out fine. Agnes is a smart little shit.”  
“Fuckin’ amen to that. How long has it been since you last moved the secret shelf?”  
“Only two weeks. Maybe if I put traps around it? I think he's bad with necrotic damage.”  
The scene pans out on the twins laughing and scheming, while somewhere, Angus McDonald is having a much better day.


	2. Carey and Killian, sitting in a tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus: Lesbians, grant me your wisdom!

Killian and Carey were sparring in the Bureau’s arena when Angus popped his head through the door. Sweaty and tired out, Killian flopped back onto the floor, while Carey bounced over to Angus and ruffled his hair.  
“Hey, Angus! Did you finally want to get some practice in? I know that you're learning magic, but it's never too early to start multiclassing.”  
Killian gave an affirmative thumbs-up from her position on the ground, groaned, and sat up, the beginnings of a black eye forming on her face.  
“Carey? Babe? I think you killed me.”  
“Well, you should have a better defensive stance, and you haven't been stretching enough, so-”  
Angus cleared his throat and flipped his notebook open.  
“Ms. Fangbattles?”  
“Yes?” Carey and Killian said at the same time.  
“I'm doing some research- how did you two get together? You seem very happy.”  
“Aw, thanks!” Carey said, helping her wife up and starting a set of stretches. “Can I ask why, though?”  
Angus adjusted his glasses and frowned.  
“No, thank you. Could you please answer the question?”  
Carey shrugged  
“Depends. I like to know what information’ll be used for, and you're being awfully shifty, so-”  
Killian gasped.  
“Mango, is this about that tiefling kid you were talking to when I picked you up the other day?  
Angus pushed his glasses up more firmly.  
“Anyway-”  
Carey’s face lit up.   
“Angus, you've got a crush? Oh, this is so exciting! I remember my first crush, there was this cute elf with pretty hair in my class in first grade, and-”  
Blushing furiously and with a much louder voice than was necessary, Angus asked to move on, but Carey was deep down memory lane and Killian was staring fondly at her.   
Some time later, after Carey had recounted all of her many elementary, middle, and high school crushes, Killian tapped the dragonborn on her shoulder.  
“Babe, I think he wanted advice.”  
“Oh! Sorry, Angus! We've got plenty of that.”  
“Thank you so much, ma’am! I went to Mr. Taako and Miss Lup, but they mostly did goofs and teased me. I figured that you could help since you're married and everything!”  
“We sure can. So, uh, oh, I just remembered how we met, and I think maybe the ‘accidentally start a bar fight and then team up with someone pretty, who happens to be really nice and you get drinks after’ approach isn't going to work for you?”  
Angus shook his head.  
“Artrin’s just my lab partner, and my friend!”  
Killian muttered a quiet “fuck” to herself but then straightened up.  
“Uh, well, can you tell us about them?”  
Angus sighed and sat down.   
“He likes Caleb Cleveland, and he’s got a really nice laugh, and he’s excited about a lot of things that I don’t really understand, but it’s still fun to see him talk about it, since he’s really passionate. Um, he has a bunch of earrings on his horns, so you can always hear him coming, and he’s really brave. People try to pick on him, but he’s very good at sneaky Charm Person spells, and he taught me that in return for me showing him how to use and hide a crossbow!”  
Carey smiled.  
“Sounds like a great kid. But please don’t use your crossbow in school anymore, you could get in a whole bunch of trouble, and also hurt people. Don’t do crime, Ango.”  
“Oh, I wasn’t using the crossbow in school, I just bring it in case something really bad happens!”  
Killian shook her head and got down to Angus’s level.  
“Kid, nothing bad’s going to happen. You don’t need to protect yourself so much anymore. We’ve got your back, and believe me, that school has a million warding spells around it. Jenkins isn’t going to pop out of nowhere. I understand when you bring it to missions and shit, but not school, alright?”  
Angus shuffled his feet.  
“Yeah, I guess. Can we go back to advice?”  
Carey cracked her knuckles.  
“Hell yeah! So, do you want to ask him out, or just spend more time with him without making things weird?”  
“I don’t know. I think that asking him to go do something would make things weird, so maybe the second one?”  
Killian rolled her eyes.  
“I promise you, ninety-nine percent of the time, asking someone out’ll won’t make things weird for longer than a couple weeks, especially when you’re young, but it’s fine if you want to take things slow. Do you guys do anything outside of school usually?”  
“Sometimes we go to the library to do homework or out to the football field for magic practice; that’s where I helped him with crossbow practice and being sneaky.”  
Carey looked excited.  
“Does he want to be a rogue?”  
Angus shook his head. “A bard, but he values things from a bunch of different classes, including sleight of hand and sneakiness!”  
Killian smiled at how much Angus knew about his best friend. It looked like his detective training was finally paying off outside of his jobs.  
Carey continued.  
“Maybe you could meet with him more often for stuff that’s not just school. It looks like y’all are both aiterested in magic, so maybe I could lend you this cool book I found when i was thinking of being an Arcane Rogue. Third level was a wild time.”  
Carey chuckled when Angus launched a hug at her.  
“Thank you,” he said in a muffled voice. “You’re being very kind, Ms. Fangbattle.”  
“Aw, it’s no problem. Sure glad you came to us, we’re slightly less disastery than the Wonder Twins.”  
They stayed like that for a moment, the dragonborn smiling at her wife and Angus reveling in the feeling of safety and support. Silence fell over them, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable; rather, it felt like a warm, reassuring blanket.  
Killian cleared her throat.  
“So, kid, d’you want to learn some cool stunts? If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that some sick-ass stunts can impress almost anyone.”  
Angus laughed and sat back up, straightening his hat and pushing up his glasses.  
“I appreciate the gesture, Ms. Fangbattle, but I think I’m good. Do you know of anyone else who might be able to help?”  
Carey shrugged.  
“You said you talked to Taako and Lup? Maybe you could go to Krav or Barry, get the other side of the story. And Istus knows Barry’s got experience pining.”  
Killian snapped her fingers.  
“Or maybe Sloane an’ Hurley? Even if they can’t help, you could get some cool flowers from them.”  
Angus brightened and stood, starting to write down some of the advice they’d given him down in his notebook.  
“Thank you so much! I’ll go do that as soon as I can! Ms. Carey, you’re picking me up from school on Monday, right?”  
“Hell yeah, Angus.”  
“Alright. See you then!”  
And he walked purposefully off, to destinations partially unknown. After a moment of silence, Killian leaped up.  
“Ah, shit. He’s totally going to try jumping off the moon with Feather Fall once we get over Goldcliff, isn’t he?”  
Killian held out a hand, which Carey grabbed, and they ran out of the training room to try and stop Angus from doing something that would almost certainly end in disaster, as they had several times before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly want to say thank you for all the awesome comments! I never would've made a second chapter w/out it, and uh afhjbdvnkhdvbj y'all are so valid


	3. Racing-Based Seductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's favorite dryads aren't that great with advice.

Angus sat on the edge of the moon, his legs dangling. Once they began to pass over the recognizable buildings of Goldcliff, he stood up, took a deep breath and cast featherfall on himself before taking a running leap off of the moon.  
Killian and Carey arrived just in time to see Angus go sailing off the edge, and immediately turned tail for the hangar bay, breathing heavily as they sprinted.  
Avi turned at their arrival, and his face split into a huge grin.  
“Hey, guys! What are you-”  
“No time!” Carey said. “Ango McDumbass just took a leap off the moon!”  
Avi’s face was somehow both confused and shocked, and he opened his mouth to say something before closing it again, shrugging, and herding them into a glass ball. He saluted quickly and then pulled the lever, sending them off before they had the time to sit down properly. The two quickly arranged themselves and when they got close enough to the ground, Killian pulled the brake and landed them safely.   
Carey tumbled out and squinted up towards the hot desert sun, looking for a tiny overdressed boy floating down. Killian joined her and together they searched the sky. Finally, Carey’s rogue senses picked out a distant speck.   
“There!”  
“Fuck, can he breathe up there?”

Angus was in fact having a bit of trouble with the “not much oxygen” thing, but he breathed shallowly and racked his brains for any gods that might help him in this situation. Thankfully, when the one minute spell passed, he still had enough presence of mind to cast it again, although he was starting to run low on spell slots. On the third time he ran out of time, Angus waved his wand but found that he was unable to cast the spell. He only had enough time to swear briefly before he began to plummet from about 200 feet off the ground.

“Carey!”  
“”Yeah, I see it! What should we do? Does your feather duster work on other people?”  
“Uh, I think so? Not at this range though?”  
“Um, you could wait until he’s close and then cast it, and I’ll catch him?”  
“Sounds good!”  
Carey began darting back and forth under where she assumed the falling boy would land, and Killian dug her feather duster out from one of her many pockets, readying a reaction.

Angus was falling very quickly, his short life flashing before his eyes. When he got about fifty feet off the ground, however, he noticed two figures on the ground- one dashing back and forth and one brandishing a feathery object. Suddenly, he was jerked up into the air and resumed his previously slow descent, before being caught in the scaly arms of Carey Fangbattle.

“Ango-”  
“Yeah, I know. Thank you, Ms. Fangbattle!”  
“Killian?”  
“Yeah, babe?”  
“How do you ground a kid when he keeps jumping off the moon?”  
Killian laughed at Angus’s suddenly worried face.  
“I don’t think you do, but you should definitely remind him that featherfall only lasts one minute and he doesn’t have nearly enough spell slots to make it off the moon.”  
Angus huffed and wriggled out of Carey’s hold.  
“I would’ve been fine, I can figure things out.”  
“Kid, you would’ve splatted onto the ground. You’re lucky I bought this thing back from Garfield.”  
Angus adjusted his hat and took his glasses off to clean the desert sand off of them.   
“Ms. Fangbattles, I had a plan!”  
“What was that plan, Ango?” Carey asked. “From our point it sure looked like the plan was to just straight up die. You really need to be more careful. Just because something works in theory doesn’t mean it’s a good idea!”  
“Can we please just go talk to Ms. Sloane and Ms. Hurley?”  
Carey exchanged a glance with Killian and they nodded in unison after a moment. Angus’s face split into a grin.  
“Don’t think this means you’re off the hook, Ango,” Killian warned. “I’m going to install a giant fence if that’s what it takes to stop you.”  
And the three walked towards the suburbs of Goldcliff, and the cherry blossom tree that had become such a landmark in the past years. But as they were getting close, they heard the faint sounds of laughter in the distance and spotted twin dust clouds, weaving in and out of each other. Carey quickly climbed up onto her wife’s shoulders and began to wave her arms frantically. Soon enough, two immense battlewagons screeched to a halt next to the trio, one sleek and boat-like, the other rough and boxier. A short dryad peered down from the window of the boxy car, pushing a ram’s mask up her face.  
“Well, look who dropped by! Hey, funky little lizardsbian! Hey Killin’ It!”   
Angus cleared his throat.  
“Oh, and Ango’s here too! Sloane?”  
A more lithe dryad dropped down from her wagon, taking her mask off and holding out a hand to help Hurley down.  
“Yeah, I'm here. What brings all of you to Goldcliff?” Sloane said, lifting her girlfriend onto the ground.  
“Well,” Angus began. “I've been doing some research on-”  
“Angus has a crush and he wants advice!” Carey interrupted.  
Hurley grinned, and nudged Sloane.  
“Well, we might not be the best advice-givers.” she said.  
“Seduce them with racing, works every time.”  
“Ms. Sloane, I can't even drive yet.”  
“Eh, I can teach you. It'll be fine.”  
Hurley whacked Sloane in the side.  
“Hey! He's Angus McDonald, world's greatest detective. Not Angus McDonald, crime boy. Anyway, couldn't you solve this, uh, is it a gay mystery or?”  
“I don't know my orientation yet, but Artrin is a boy, like me! He's really nice, and good at science and Charm Person spells!”  
Hurley looked slightly worried.  
“He hasn't tried to use Charm Person on you, right?”  
“Oh, definitely not,” Angus said brightly. “Some kids give him a hard time for being a tiefling and all of his jewelry and stuff, and he finds that works out pretty well. And even if he did try it on me, I would almost certainly be able to save against it.”  
“That's good- not that he's bullied-” Hurley stammered out before a calming hand rested on her shoulder.  
“It's great that you feel like you can trust this kid, Angus,” Sloane said, taking over. “But don't the teachers do anything about all of that?”  
Angus shook his head and sighed a little bit.  
“There's only one tiefling teacher, and the asshole kids are usually on most of the teachers’ good sides. I've been teaching him how to stealthily carry a weapon in case shit gets real.” He looked guiltily up at Killian, who was frowning a bit. “Only outside of school!”  
“Nah, don't worry about it,” Sloane interjected. “He sounds cool, what's his class?”  
“He's training to be a bard, but he's very sneaky. And I think he's cool too! Thank you, Ms. Sloane.”   
Hurley began wrapping and unwrapping some of the bandages covering her arms.  
“So, do you want advice on getting together with him, or just existing with a crush?”  
“Existing with a crush, I guess. I'm not exactly thinking about getting married!”  
Hurley tapped her foot and looked like she was deep in thought, before her face brightened.  
“You could give him a flower crown! It's chill enough to be a friend gift, but still nice. Does he like pink?”  
Angus nodded. “Lots of bright colors.”  
Hurley tapped her girlfriend’s side and gestured briefly. Sloane smiled and began staring intently at her hands, which began to grow extra branches and cherry blossoms, which intertwined into a beautiful loop of wood, flowers, and leaves.  
“That good?” Sloane said as she detached it from her hand with a slight wince and handed it to Angus.  
“Yes, very much so! Did you retain some powers from the Gaia Sash, Ms. Sloane?”  
Sloane seesawed her hand back and forth.  
“Kinda. Big things tire me out, but I can set up sick stunts for Hurley in the races still.”  
“That's very interesting, ma’am! Thank you for the flower crown.” He rested it atop his head for safekeeping, adjusting his ears slightly so the tips weren't pinned down and worried the fabric of his hat between his hands.  
Carey nudged her wife from her perch on her shoulders.  
“It looks like the sun is setting. We need to talk to The Director about putting child locks on the moon, and Ango should get to sleep. You've got school tomorrow, right, kid?”  
Angus nodded and yawned a bit.  
“Thank you for your help,” he concluded. “Even if mostly I only learned to not seduce anyone with racing and not to take lessons from Ms. Sloane!”  
Hurley snapped her fingers.   
“Shit, we need to give you some kind of life lesson! Uh, uh, be yourself, don't compromise on being respected, and-”  
“Racing-based seductions work every time.”  
“No!”  
Still bickering good naturedly, they climbed back into their respective battlewagons. Sloane snapped her mask back into place, but Hurley waited for a moment.  
“Hey, d’y’all know if Taako and Krav are still available for Gay Bowling Night this Saturday?”  
Killian shook her head.  
“We’ll check. See you around, Hurls.”  
“See ya, Killin’ It!”  
And with that, she revved the engine of her wagon, hooted with delight, and zoomed off into the sunset, leaving the trio on the ground choking on dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to flatwoods for Ango McDumbass, that was great. Also, Carey and Killian seem like they would be great parental figures, and you never see that in fanfic, so uh here it is I guess. He's deffo adopted by the whole bureau though.   
> Tres Horny Boys are the weird uncles 100 percent

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @yayawesomecake and I'm always up to scream abt taz and angus McDonald!


End file.
